The Loving Lesson – Let Her Go

She left. She had had enough of my immaturity and lack of consideration and communication. She stood up for her values, enforced her boundaries, and cut me out of her life just like that, on the spot. There’d be no reconciling this time. She had given me more than enough opportunities.

Now I’m going to tell you why that person is one of the most incredibly amazing women I’ve ever known, why her actions were so loving and powerful, and why all of this was a blessing.

Truth is when this happened I thought I’d be able to talk my way out of it. I was this slick “player” after all. I knew it all. I’d get her back just like the previous times.

We’d be fine I arrogantly thought.

Except we wouldn’t.

Despite my annoyingly frequent attempts Olivia wouldn’t return any of my calls or communications over the course of that next year. That Northeast winter was the coldest and the cruelest.

After wallowing in self-pity for a couple of months I was left with a decision to make – fall into a state of total despair and bitterness, or attempt to pick myself up off the ground. I decided to move forward with the latter. One catalyst I credit for this was an eloquent statement I came across that read simply, “Let her go. That’s attractive.

Figuring nothing could be worse than my current state, I embarked on a journey of self- improvement. First I had to ‘close the loop’ however. I wrote Olivia saying, “Thank you. I know this is leading somewhere good.”

While I didn’t actually know that at the time I’d certainly end up learning it. I would devote my time to reading books on healthy relationships, and how to build loving, deep, authentic, honest connections with people. I would become more vulnerable in relationships. I’d attend seminars and go to therapy to proactively work through childhood issues. I took ownership and responsibility and examined how my negative, insensitive behaviors led to the demise of my relationship. Ultimately I would grow my career to heights I never before dreamed possible, receive a prestigious work offer, and move to New York City.

But the swift (and much needed) kick in the ass I got from Olivia sent me on this trajectory. I didn’t know the magnitude of this blessing at the time. I didn’t see just how much of a gift it was initially. Her actions were not malicious. Far from it. She did the most loving thing by refusing to tolerate and reinforce my destructive and toxic behavior. She demonstrated self-love choosing only to permit worthy, healthy, enriching, relationships in her life. She would not stand to be walked on, not by anyone, and never would she cave on her boundaries.

Following our breakup I relied on wise, positive friends and did the painful, introspective work to transform my life and adjust my mindsets. Initially, of course I wanted the easy fix, anything to mask the pain and remedy the symptoms, but it was only upon doing serious internal work that I healed.

I am appreciative that an amazing light like Olivia exists in the world. What higher-conscious, advanced minded men in ‘abundance’ recognize is that women are not mean creatures. Quite the opposite. They are beautiful, kind, gentle, sensitive, self-aware, graceful, compassionate, wildly intelligent beings. They force you to grow when they reject your games and immaturity. Real men do not become bitter following a breakup, rather they view it as a chance to better themselves, get on their path to self-actualization, and show more empathy and love to the world. They don’t blame and point fingers. With a focus on bringing value to the external universe around them, they hone in on drastically overhauling the internal.

Olivia is a brave and beautiful person and I am proud to say to this day that we stay in touch and she is a dear friend. She is happily married to a truly great guy.

I wouldn’t be who I am today without her and I am grateful for the loving learning lesson I gained from our breakup.

 

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